Amish Bedroom Rules: Modesty, Courtship, & Simplicity

The Amish are known for their distinctive lifestyle, characterized by simplicity, hard work, and a deep commitment to faith. But when it comes to more intimate aspects of their lives—such as relationships, courtship, and bedroom practices—there’s a rich and sometimes surprising set of rules and customs that govern their behavior. Amish bedroom rules are shaped by a combination of religious beliefs, cultural norms, and historical practices, all of which play a key role in maintaining the community’s values of modesty, respect, and discipline.

In this article, we’ll dive into the unique world of Amish bedroom rules. From the practice of bundling to the importance of marital intimacy, we’ll explore how these rules shape their understanding of relationships and sexuality, and how they contribute to a way of life that values purity and simplicity.

Table of Contents

The Importance of Modesty in Amish Culture

At the core of Amish culture is a belief in modesty. This is reflected not just in their clothing and daily activities but also in how they approach more private aspects of life, such as relationships and intimacy. The Amish believe that modesty is a way to honor God and maintain spiritual purity, which is why their bedroom practices are so strictly regulated.

My first encounter with Amish culture was during a trip to Pennsylvania, where I had the opportunity to speak with a local Amish family. They explained to me that everything in their lives—whether it’s how they dress, how they interact with each other, or how they handle intimate relationships—is guided by their faith and commitment to living in accordance with the teachings of the Bible.

Bundling: A Tradition of Courtship

One of the most well-known aspects of Amish courtship is the practice of bundling. Bundling is a tradition in which an unmarried couple spends time together in the same bed, but they are separated by a barrier—typically a wooden board or a heavy blanket—while they engage in conversation. While this practice might seem unusual or even uncomfortable to outsiders, it has deep cultural significance within the Amish community.

As sociologist John A. Hostetler notes in his work on Amish society, “Bundling is a practice that allows young Amish couples to get to know each other on a deeper level, while still adhering to their strict moral code” (Amish Society). The purpose of bundling is not for sexual intimacy but rather to give young people the opportunity to bond emotionally and spiritually while respecting their community’s rules of modesty.

In fact, bundling is seen as a way to allow courtship without crossing the boundaries of sexual behavior before marriage. As Karen Johnson-Weiner, an anthropologist, explains, “Bundling, while seemingly unusual to outsiders, serves a purpose within Amish society by allowing for courtship while maintaining strict boundaries” (New York Amish: Life in a Hidden Community).

Personally, I’ve always found bundling to be fascinating. During my visit, I learned that couples typically bundle with the intention of determining whether they are compatible for marriage. This is often a more formalized and structured process than courtship in mainstream society, where physical touch and privacy are more freely allowed.

The Ordnung and Its Influence on Bedroom Rules

The Amish follow a set of rules known as the Ordnung, which governs nearly every aspect of their lives. The Ordnung is not a formal written document but rather an oral tradition that is passed down through generations. It includes everything from how members should dress to what activities are permissible on Sundays. When it comes to relationships and sexuality, the Ordnung plays a major role in shaping the rules that govern Amish bedroom practices.

As Elmer L. Smith points out in The Amish: A People of Preservation, “The Ordnung, the set of rules governing Amish life, plays a significant role in shaping their views on relationships and sexuality, which are reflected in their bedroom practices.” The Ordnung calls for strict adherence to rules regarding courtship, modesty, and sexual behavior, all of which help maintain the purity and integrity of the community.

In my conversations with members of the Amish community, I learned that while the Ordnung is flexible in some ways, it is unwavering when it comes to matters of sexual conduct. Premarital sex is strictly forbidden, and couples are expected to respect the boundaries of courtship. In the bedroom, this translates to modest behavior and a strong emphasis on emotional connection over physical intimacy.

Marital Intimacy: A Gift to Be Cherished

Within marriage, sexual intimacy is viewed as a natural and sacred part of the relationship. The Amish believe that sexuality is a gift from God, to be cherished and expressed within the confines of marriage. This view is rooted in their religious teachings, which emphasize the importance of family and the marital bond.

Meredith Veldman, a historian, explains that “The Amish believe that sexuality is a gift from God to be cherished within the confines of marriage. This belief shapes their attitudes towards premarital intimacy and their bedroom practices” (Fantasy, the Novel, and the Amish). For Amish couples, marital intimacy is a deeply spiritual act that strengthens their connection to one another and to God.

In my own experience with Amish families, I found that they view the act of marriage as a serious commitment to both their spouse and their faith. As a result, the rules surrounding sexual intimacy are not just about physical behavior but about maintaining a sense of spiritual purity. For Amish couples, the bedroom is a sacred space where emotional and physical bonds are formed, but always with an awareness of the spiritual significance of their union.

The Role of Simplicity in Bedroom Décor

In keeping with the Amish values of modesty and simplicity, their homes—and by extension, their bedrooms—are typically plain and functional. Amish bedroom furniture is often handmade and crafted with care, but it is designed with utility in mind rather than luxury. The furniture is sturdy and practical, with minimal ornamentation.

This focus on simplicity extends to their bedroom décor, which is usually modest and devoid of distractions. There is little emphasis on extravagant furnishings, and the rooms are designed to promote rest, reflection, and emotional connection, rather than indulgence or excess. As one observer noted, “The Amish emphasize modesty and simplicity in all aspects of life, including their homes and bedrooms. This is reflected in the furnishings and décor, which are typically plain and functional.”

During my visit to an Amish farm, I had the chance to see firsthand how this philosophy extends to the bedroom. The beds were simple, the walls were bare, and there was little to distract from the core purpose of the space: to provide a peaceful environment for rest and spiritual reflection. The simplicity of the bedroom was a reflection of the Amish belief that life should be free from unnecessary distractions and focused on what truly matters—family, faith, and community.

How Amish Bedroom Rules Preserve Their Identity

At first glance, Amish bedroom practices may seem strange or even restrictive to outsiders. However, these practices are deeply rooted in history and tradition. As David Weaver-Zercher explains in The Amish in America: A Cultural and Historical Dictionary, “While practices like bundling may seem unconventional, they are rooted in historical traditions and serve to preserve the unique identity of the Amish community.”

The rules governing Amish relationships and bedroom behavior are not arbitrary but serve to reinforce the community’s values of purity, modesty, and spiritual dedication. By adhering to these rules, Amish couples maintain a strong sense of community identity and ensure that their faith and way of life are preserved for future generations.

During my time with the Amish, I came to understand that their commitment to modesty, simplicity, and emotional connection in the bedroom is part of a larger effort to create a way of life that is distinct from the outside world. These rules help the Amish maintain their cultural and religious identity, ensuring that their community remains unified and true to its values.

Conclusion: Understanding Amish Bedroom Rules

The Amish approach to bedroom rules is a reflection of their deep commitment to faith, modesty, and community. From the practice of bundling to their strict adherence to the Ordnung, these rules govern how Amish individuals engage in courtship, relationships, and intimacy. Though these practices may seem unconventional to outsiders, they are deeply meaningful within the context of Amish culture, serving to preserve their unique way of life.

As I learned from my time with the Amish, their bedroom practices are not about repression but about fostering emotional connection and spiritual purity. By following these rules, Amish couples maintain the integrity of their relationships and their community, ensuring that their values are passed down to future generations.